REVIEW: Resident Evil: Retribution

Hello once again Internet, we're about to dive head first into another review for the aforementioned films. Please keep you eyes pointed directly at the screen and prepare to soak up lots of ill informed opinions regarding the film. So, let's get to it shall we, here is the review for...

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION

Alice, the long suffering clone warrior of Umbrella Corporation, is thrown back into battle with the hordes of zombies created by Umbrella. Captured by the corporation, she is then freed by an unlikely friend, who informs her of a strike team coming to help her. As she makes her way to rendezvous with the strike team, she finds help in the form of rogue Umbrella agent Ada Wong, who helps her to combat the waves of zombies and nasty creatures chasing them. It's now up to them to escape before the facility explodes and buries them all forever.

OK so I had a hard time writing that synopsis. I'm not usually that bad at recalling a films plot or the intricate details that outline the reasons why I did or didn't like the film. But with this movie, the 5th installment of the video game based franchise, I seriously had to search the very depths of my (admittedly small) brain before I found any memory of this film. This should give you a tiny indication of how this review is going to go.

This film has managed to achieve something I never thought was possible after watching any of the Twilight movies, or Disaster Movie. This film has managed to achieve an entirely new level of crap! I had already realized that this franchise was taking ideas from the rapidly expanding series of video games, the tentacle mouthed zombies (it's as weird as it sounds), the axe-wielding giant and indeed the brilliantly evil Wesker. However, what I didn't realize was that Paul Anderson (the director of all things silly) had completely run out of ideas, even when consulting the games, and had just decided to make a "greatest hits" movie consisting of practically nothing original. As the film went on, my jaw was gradually pulled towards the floor in sheer astonishment that I was watching possibly the most unoriginal film I've seen in, well, ever! From the enemies to the sets, right down to some of the characters, the amount of material scraped together from the previous films is staggering, bordering on impressive.

The plot is a rehash of the first film, underground base that Alice needs to escape from. The enemies consist of zombies (who can now run, OMG!), a fully mutated creature from the first film, plus the aforementioned axe wielding giants, among other, more human, gun-toting enemies. True, there are some new characters introduced, Ada Wong and Leon Kennedy make brief appearances throughout the film, but they're masked by the constant repetition on show, leaving them shallow, 1 dimensional and utterly boring, purely existing as a way to tie the film back to the video game franchise. Nothing changes about Alice as well, and the way in which she is freed from the facility is very confusing. Oh sod it I may as well tell you. Wesker sets her free and is now apparently a good guy. I know, how the hell did that happen? He was the big bad evil in the last installment and now he's had a HUGE change of heart. HOW? Ugh, moving on...

This film is making me incredibly angry, more so than any other film has done in a long time (until I inevitably see the last Twilight film), and it's all because of the stunning lengths this film has gone to to be the most unoriginal movie ever made. True, there are glimmers of new threats, zombies with guns being the highlight of the new ideas the director's grabbed frantically at, but it's really not enough to save this awful re-run of sets, characters, creatures, plot devices and dull, lifeless CGI from scraping the ground where the barrel used to be. This is the new standard for which truly awful films are made.

Until the next Twilight.

Score: 0.5/10

Well that's that review out of the way. I say that, I really loved doing that one, because it is somehow more satisfying to review a bad film than a brilliant one. It shouldn't work like that, but somehow it does. And by the way, for whoever is reading my articles, THANK YOU! I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them and I would urge you to write comments on any of the things I've posted. I would love to hear from all of you reading these mindless reviews, suggesting things for me to watch or commenting on the films I've reviewed. Come on, get involved guys!

Until next time internet!

REVIEW: The Expendables 2

Ok so the schedule didn't exactly work as planned. But with everything else that's going on at the moment it turns out that I can't keep such a hectic schedule, so this has to fall to the back burner. In any case, I'm going to write reviews and Top 5's as and when I get the chance. Yes the posts will be sporadic but they'll still be winging their way to your computer screens!

This article will start with one of the more memorable films I've seen in the last few weeks. Memorable for all sorts of reasons, this is...

THE EXPENDABLES 2

Years after the events of the first movie, Stallone and his macho men (who really cares about character names in a film like this?) are hired by Bruce Willis to track down blueprints to an old Russian mine that was thought never to have existed. On completing the mission, they are ambushed by the brutal Jean-Claude Van Damme, who steals the plans and kills one of their team. Now out for revenge, Stallone enlists the help of Willis, the deadly Nan Yu and even the legendary Schwarzenegger, to track Van Damme down and stop him selling dangerous cargo to the wrong people.

Now whilst a constant stream of HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA doesn't make for good review material, it does actually describe how I felt viewing this film. However, I shall try and describe this film in other means. If you have seen the first one then you will have already geared yourself up for more stupidly over the top action sequences peppered with cheesy and cliched one liners. There are tons of explosions, gunfights, cheesy lines and decent fight scenes thrown into the 90 minutes of macho madness we are dealt with, but my initial impressions after finishing this film, was that this movie that set out to be the ultimate portrayal of bad-ass action heroes ever made, had missed a few tricks.

Firstly, we have the introduction of a kick-ass kung-fu heroin in this film. Why you ask? Because despite being better in 5 minutes of this installment than in the entirety of the first one, Jet Li dives out of the film the first chance he gets and doesn't come back. It's confusing yes, but if you're going to replace Li with a kick-ass female counterpart, then Nan Yu (however awesome she is in this film) wouldn't have been my first choice. The obvious choice for the role would have been the legendary Michelle Yeoh, who's produced some stunning martial arts films throughout the years and has made the transition to Hollywood with great success. Alternatively, you have the Taiwanese death dealer JeeJa Yanin, who's debut in Chocolate (made by the Ong Bak team) should have made her another big contender. But I don't hold anything against Nan Yu as when she does get the opportunity to beat up the bad guys, she does so with brutal force and exhilarating creativity.

The second thing the film makers missed was the failure to include the B-movie legend Steven Segal in all the chaos! This is even more surprising when you consider that another B-movie legend, Mr. Van Damme plays the main bad guy throughout the film. How hard could that have been to write into the film? Instead of a pretty good fight between Stallone and Van Damme at the end, you could have a potentially earth-shattering battle between these two giants! Well, it may not be earth shattering, b hey, you know it would fit right into this film and give it a well deserved boost. Sadly though, there is no Steven Segal, so the film has to do without and quite frankly, it does pretty well without him.

The addition of a few new faces into the mix definitely helps move the film along. Along with the regulars, such as Stallone, Statham, Lundgren and Willis, we're joined by legends such as Schwarzenegger, Van Damme and best of all, Chuck Norris. Yes you read that right. Chuck FREAKING Norris! He's not in it for a lot and apparently, he's the reason why this film is only a 15 (though I had heard he wanted it to be a 12 or maybe even a PG originally, because he doesn't act in films with lots of swearing or something along those lines), but when he is in it, he does everything you'd expect him to, except roundhouse kicking people in the face. Sadly there's none of that.

Ok, so we've talked about the things they've missed and the people that they've added to make the film even more kick-ass than is legally acceptable, but what about the actual film? How does that shape up to modern action films that are released today? Well, it's actually not that bad. The action is fairly cliched yes, but it handles it with such gusto and pride in what it's doing that you can't really help but admire it's bravery. There are few films nowadays that are so senseless and pointless with their film making that they often get pushed to the sidelines, but The Expendables 2 is a film that knows it's being stupid, macho, pointless and insanely ridiculous all at the same time, and gives the audiences exactly what they expect. The action scenes are completely bonkers, the fights are brutal and nicely choreographed, the acting is bad and hilarious in equal measures, and the plot is completely unnecessary for a film such as this. All these things combine to give the audience something they haven't experienced in a long time, an explosive ride of sheer joy, for them to relive the times when action films were a  nonsensical roller-coaster of bullets, explosions and not-so-witty jokes. Actions movies are rarely as entertaining as this. Well done guys! Well done!

Score: 8.5/10

Thanks for tuning in and reading this review! Trust me there are a lot more to come, but with Christmas just around the corner, they may be a long time in the making. Until next time interwebbers!

REVIEW: America Psycho

Hey hey hey internet! Sorry about yesterdays accidental release of the blank document relating to this review. I'm very sorry for that but other, more pressing matters got in the way. Anyway, here we have a review (long or short I'm yet to find out) for one of the most interesting films I've seen in quite some time. Here is....

AMERICAN PSYCHO

Patrick Bateman is...not right in the head. He tries to fit in as best he can, being a major contributor at a Wall Street business, and going to regular lunch meetings and club nights with his co-workers, but underneath it all, he is a cold, ruthless, psychopathic killer. As Patrick struggles to contain his blood lust, he also struggles to cover up his tracks, as a private detective is hired to investigate the disappearance of one of his victims.

Now I really do not know where to start this review, because my head is still full of how amazingly brilliant this film was! I guess we shall start at the beginning then, with Patrick Bateman, played expertly by the new Batman, Christian Bale, discussing restaurants, cocaine and who's handling different accounts at their business. The thing that immediately strikes me about the film is how pitch perfect the dialog is. There are several scenes that showcase how great it is, but I think the scene that perfectly sums up the clever dialog and pretty much every other great thing about this film is the Huey Lewis scene. If you've seen the film you'll know what I'm on about, but for those who don't know, you may want to get worried whenever Bateman starts discussing music. Very worried.

There's a lot to love about this film, and for me, that's always a problem when it comes to reviewing it, because when there's a great film, it's hard to praise it without sounding half-crazed. It's always easier to point out flaws in a film and discuss those than try and creatively discuss the good points of any film. American Psycho is a film that I have watched countless time over the past year and there are so many things I love about it, so I really do have no idea where to start.

I guess maybe we can start at Christian Bale. We've all seen the new Batman trilogy and Bale has become an even bigger superstar because of it, but I would argue that the subtle humor, charm and sophistication of Bales performance is at least a hundred times better than his work in the new Batman trilogy. The way he goes from a sensible businessman barely keeping it together to a deranged lunatic is not exactly the most gradual descent into madness ever seen in movie history, but it is certainly one of the most convincing and terrifying I've seen on film. The supporting cast is rounded off nicely with Reese Witherspoon as Batemans supposed fiance, Jared Leto as the slimy Paul Allen, and Willem Defoe as a weirdly unsettling detective.

If there's another thing to notice immediately about the film, it's the visual style. Everything is lavishly designed and looks fantastic, right down to the bizarrely small portions of overpriced food they have in the restaurants.  The suits, the apartments, everything looks fantastic and it all helps to draw you in to Batemans weird and violent world. As the film goes on and Bateman unravels, so does everything else in the film. The music becomes more erratic, the styling loses its sheen and becomes more gritty, and the bizarre script just helps to amplify the surrounding elements, making this an engrossing and chilling experience that will be hard to forget in a hurry.

Score: 9.0/10

Ok I know that's a short review, but like I said, I've got more pressing matters to attend to. It might be like this for a while, but rest assured you'll still be getting the reviews, so really, there's no reason to complain. Is there? Anyway until next time internet!

REVIEW: Resident Evil

Well hello there internet, welcome back to another review article of The Movie Notebook, where any film is fair game! This week we're taking a look at the beginning of the franchise inspired by the hit video game franchise. This is...

RESIDENT EVIL

Alice wakes up alone in a mansion with no memory of why she's there. Moments later, an elite special forces unit crashes into the house, taking her down into a series of underground tunnels and rooms under the nearby Racoon City. The team have been tasked with sealing "The Hive" and assessing the situation after the main computer went homicidal and killed everyone. As they make their way through The Hive, they quickly realize that the computer is the very least of their worries, as they discover an army of hungry zombies lurking in the darkness.

So, this series of films has been going on for way too long now right? This year sees the 5th installment in the franchise and to be honest, I thought it would have died long before then. Paul Anderson's zombie action series took a few influences from the game but largely, this film hasn't really got a lot to do with the early incarnations of the game. True, there's the Umbrella corporation behind everything and the introduction of zombies, zombie dogs and the mutating licker, but the story seems to be just your average run-of-the-mill action flick. There's not a lot of innovation in the story and it's pretty clear just who is and isn't going to die right from the word go, but after all that has been considered, this is still a pretty fun film.

Anderson is responsible for what is possibly the best worst film ever made, Mortal Kombat. No go on, tell me you don't love that film! I dare you! When you accept that Anderson is definitely no Scorsese or Hitchcock, and only specializes in making dumb loud action flicks, then you start to understand why Resident Evil is the way it is. No it didn't have to take lots of influences from the game, because with Anderson at the helm, it was most likely going to be a riot anyway. And seeing as how over the years, the games have taken multiple unexpected routes in the story, culminating in the most recent installments action heavy game play, it shouldn't continue to anger people so much that Anderson's franchise has gone full steam ahead into big budget action nonsense, because that's exactly what the games seem to have done.

But anyway, the film itself is rapid, decently acted and is full of little amusing set pieces. Largely following Alice, played by Milla Jojovich, we're slowly given information as she regains her memory, along with two other survivors that she encounters along her travels. The creatures, whilst based on the games enemies, aren't terribly scary and won't due much to blow your mind in terms of creativeness. However the set pieces they are involved in, along with some tiny jump scares are enough to make you not really care that much about those little points. The film can be predictable, but then it's not like you were expecting to be blown away by some hugely shocking Shyamalan style twist. This is a very easy film to get into and is one of those films that's perfect for a Saturday night popcorn fest. And that's just about it.

Score: 7.0/10

Well that's it for this week folks, sorry for the short review, but I'm busy with other more pressing matters. I'll make it up to you next week...maybe. See you all on Monday!

Until next time internet!

REVIEW: The Darkest Hour

Well well well, if it isn't the internet! How's it going everybody? Welcome back to The Movie Notebook, where lots of bad movie related posts fly through the fantastical void of the web straight to your computer monitors. Today we're looking at a horror film (surprise surprise) that was built up to be amazing, but received spectacularly bad reviews upon its release. For some reason, I've decided to watch it anyway. This is....

THE DARKEST HOUR

On a business trip to Moscow, two plucky Americans find themselves in the middle of an alien invasion, battling invisible creatures that use our electrical systems to find their prey, us.

Now that is a very simplistic plot summary, but in fairness, this is an incredibly simplistic film. I said above that this film was universally panned when it came out, and I wasn't kidding. 16 out of 100 on Metacritic, which for those who don't know is a website that combines as many critic reviews for movies, games and music and puts them together into one overall score. Compared to scores of films from the same year (2011), The Darkest Hour is apparently worse than Shark Night 3D (22/100), Apollo 18 (24/100) and surprisingly, The Human Centipede 2 (17/100). Now this does not bode well at all. For some reason unknown to me (maybe sheer insanity) I decided to watch this apocalyptic horror anyway, and every time I think back to this movie, I cannot for the life of me think why I did.

The film starts out in the usual fashion of introducing witty and charming Americans who you are supposed to care about for the duration of the film. Our two leading heroes for this particular horror are Speed Racer's Emile Hirsch and Max Minghella (who's been in such hits as The Social Network and The Ides Of March), both of whom do a fairly decent job in portraying plucky American "businessmen", although throughout the first half of the film, they mainly portray the horny teenager stereotype we've come to know and....well, not love, from the American Pie franchise. Essentially, after failing in their business related endeavors, the two plucky Americans go on the pull in Russia, but for some reason, are only able to attract other Americans. So the initial plot is established and as both guys attempt to hook up with the two girls (who of course initially hate them but then grow to like them), the inevitable alien invasion occurs.

This is rather dull as far as alien invasions go. For starters, the aliens themselves are largely invisible, only choosing to reveal themselves as glowing balls of shifting yellow light when you need to be reminded that there's an actual threat to our protagonists. The aliens themselves are inventive and non-inventive at the same time. There are rules and limitations that come into play that our protagonists quickly learn, but the real downfall is in when the heroes have to kill them. This results in the audience learning what the main downfall of this film is. The special effects. There are a lot of bad effects going on at the moment in Hollywood, but believe me when I tell you, the aliens in The Darkest Hour, are some of the worst looking creature/evil beings I have ever seen in a movie. EVER! The aliens look like some sort of rejected enemy idea from Sonic The Hedgehog or Super Mario Brothers. For an enemy that is initially perceived as a ruthless, brutal and unforgiving killing machine, they look incredibly non-intimidating. If that makes sense. It has just occurred to me that the closest thing they resemble, is a rejected Pokemon. When you see it, you will (most likely) know exactly what I mean!

So what can be said for the rest of the film? Um, well if you were expecting anything good to be said about this film then you can just keep clicking to another article! We shall start with acting, which...well there is no other word for it. It's shit. I do not like to swear on this blog usually, but really, there is no emotional attachment between any of these characters, even between Hirsch and Minghella. They do not act like they are best friends at the best of times, but when the film starts to get serious, they don't really try and stick by each other, instead they seem more concerned with the women they've met, or the random survivors they meet. Surely your best friend and business partner generates a greater friendship bond than a random woman you've met halfway across the world? But I digress. Character flaws aside, the acting is still diabolical, especially during key death scenes.

Yeah, we all know some key characters introduced early in the film are going to die, let's not kid ourselves here. The important thing is that you need to show that the characters are emotionally distraught and tormented when a close friend/loved one dies. However, the writers obviously forgot that people care about each other, and so they decided to show no emotion whatsoever when a close friend died at the hands of some poorly implemented CGI alien. Is it not so hard to shed a tear when your best friend in the whole wide world dies? Apparently, for actors, it is! Hell, if you wanted someone to cry at any characters death in a film, just hire Liv Tyler. I mean really, she cries at absolutely anything, it's pretty much all she does, even in The Incredible Hulk! Anyway, shall we move on to some sort of summary. Yeah, let's do that.

OK, well, this film was truly awful. I have seen a lot of bad films in my relatively short time on this planet. Some may say I seek these types of films out just to see how bad films can really be, and I can tell you that I have found something that may very well be the cream of the crop. Despite some slightly inventive enemies (in theory), the way the whole film was put together, including characters, effects, story arcs and general script writing, means that there is literally no enjoyment to be had in this film at all. I cannot believe that an idea that was quite promising turned out to be one of the worst films I've seen in (at least!) the last 5 years. Truly terrible!

Score: 1.0/10

See you on Friday folks! No idea what I'll be reviewing, but hey, that's part of the surprise isn't is?!

Until next time internet!

REVIEW: Ice Age 4: Continental Drift

Hello fellow internet people and welcome to my first review on the latest version of The Movie Notebook. In this article we are taking a look at the 4th film in the entertaining family friendly franchise, made by one of the most intriguing animation companies of recent years, Blue Sky.

ICE AGE 4: CONTINENTAL DRIFT

Several years after the events of the herds third outing, Manny, Sid & Diego are happily living the peaceful life. Unfortunately, things don't stay that way for long as the continents begin to shift and break up, forcing our happy herd away from their friends and family. Adrift at sea, the herd soon come into contact with a gang of weird and dangerous pirates, led by the crazed monkey Captain Gut. Now the gang must fend off these insane villains, as well as many other perils, and find their way back home.

I'm not going to try and hide the truth here, I LOVE the Ice Age films. There, I said it, judge me all you want. This family franchise has been one of the funniest, craziest and entertaining film series to come out for quite some time. Now I will admit, I didn't think there was need for a 4th film, as I felt the 3rd one (Dawn Of The Dinosaurs) wrapped everything up quite nicely. The studio execs obviously thought differently, and thus we have Continental Drift. However, I can happily say that after watching this 4th installment, it isn't just a case of slapping another film together for the sake of it.

The characters continue to be developed in ways that don't feel forced or particularly contrived, and a few new characters are thrown into the mix and developed nicely throughout the film. The introduction of Sid's grandma (played hilariously by Wanda Sykes) leads the film in a more slapstick direction, which is no bad thing. Given this is meant to be a family film, it's important to put all sorts of comedy into it, and the writers have certainly stretched to every possible area of comedy conceivable for a family film. There is no doubt that no matter what age you are, you'll find something to laugh at in this film, whether it's Scrat's unfortunate mishaps, or Manny's deadpan comebacks. If you don't laugh at anything in this film, well then check your pulse.

As for the actual story, well it's simplistic enough for the little ones to follow, whilst having many different arcs and action scenes to keep the grown ups entertained. The action scenes are well constructed, always easy to follow with no hasty editing (though I suppose that would be hard to do in a CG film) and definitely entertaining. The only problem I do have with this film, is that Scrat (the lovable maniac!) is not in the film enough, but apart from that, I'm struggling to find anything to dislike about this film. And what do I think is the best thing about the film, well now that would be telling. I never like to spoil a film for anyone who hasn't seen it, even if it is a film like Ice Age 4, a film that many people will just immediately dismiss as rubbish. So when I talk about my favorite bit of this family comedy, all I can really say is that it's, well, scary.

Yeah, scary. If you read the post I uploaded on Saturday about hand held horror films, then you know that I get scared very easily. Even so, to be scared ever so slightly by this film came as a complete surprise to me. But that's another thing I loved about this film, it took me off guard and by surprise. Who in their right minds expects the 4th film in a franchise to be any good? No one, that's who, but Ice Age 4 manages to rise above any expectations you may have about it and turns into an entertaining, funny and charming family comedy that I really find hard to hate.

Score: 8.5/10

Well thank you for reading this rather short and overly random review. There'll be two more this week, starting with THE DARKEST HOUR on Wednesday, and the next, as yet undecided film on Friday. If you have any films you'd like me to review then please leave a comment on here!

Until next time internet!

Top 5: Hand Held Horrors!

Hello there internet people, welcome to the first main article of the new Movie Notebook. On this particular outing I'll be counting down my top 5 favorite hand held horror movies, and also highlighting some of the worst the genre has offered over the years.

For those of you scratching your head and wondering "Hand held horrors", let me briefly explain what I mean by this alliterative title. A Hand Held Horror is what I (and I'm sure many others) use to describe films such as The Blair Witch Project or [.REC], films that use a hand held camera to give the audience a first person perspective on the terrifying events that unfold on screen, placing you in the position of one of the characters.

There have been several amazing films which have utilized this simple film making procedure to great effect. There have also been some insanely dull and repetitive franchises born out of HHH films (yeah, let's abbreviate it to that for now). So let's firstly have a look at those films that really should have just stayed out of cinemas all together and headed straight for the bargain bin.

THE WORST HHH FILMS I'VE SEEN:

5) V/H/S - This was a difficult choice for me to make. Putting V/H/S on the worst films list is something I initially didn't want to do, but after thinking about it for a while, I just couldn't bring myself to like it. V/H/S follows a group of burglars who are hired by some anonymous third party to steal a precious VHS tape from a remote house. Upon arriving, they discover a dead body, a roster of TV's and an infinite supply of VHS tapes. One by one they examine some of the tapes, to find strange and gruesome events occurring on each of them. Now the reason it's on the bottom of the worst films list, is that there were some stories that I actually enjoyed and that genuinely chilled me, but most of the time, this was a dull and pointless collection of slightly imaginative short stories. I had heard good things about this film, but I have fallen prey to media hype before, and this is another example of a bad film wrapped in a lot of positive media attention. Score: 4.0/10

4) THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT - Not the most controversial choice on this list, but one that, in my opinion, needs to be on here all the same. TBWP follows three students making a documentary on The Blair Witch, a local urban legend. Heading into the forest to try and capture some evidence of the witch, they soon discover that the legend may be real after all. This will have been the HHH film that most people saw first and almost certainly the one that boosted the genre back into popularity. However, watching it again recently, I wasn't really scared by it at all, and believe me, I get scared incredibly easily. The only real scare that came from this was the last 15-20 minutes. If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm on about. Apart from that though, there wasn't anything to get my nerves shaking at all. Disappointing to say the least. Score: 3.0/10

3) QUARANTINE - Possibly the most uninspired and boring film on this list, Quarantine is a shot for shot remake of the amazing Spanish horror [.REC] (see below), which follows a group of Los Angeles residents who are exposed to a horrific virus which turns them into rampaging zombies. There's not a lot to say about this film, other than it's one of the most uninspiring remakes ever conceived. Remakes in general are some of the lowest forms of films I've ever seen, but this was pure bottom of the barrel horror. Not scary, not entertaining, not worth bothering with. Score: 2.3/10

2) APOLLO 18 - Now this was a film I reviewed for a YouTube show I did with my good friend Anthony at the start of the year. If you want to see that, search up Film Focus and find the Apollo 18 episode. Basically, the film is "found footage" of the Apollo space mission that "never happened", with 3 astronauts getting spooked by some mysterious activity on the surface of the moon. I was incredibly interested to see this film, but as the film went on I quickly realized that Apollo 18 was going nowhere fast, and it most certainly wasn't going to scare me as much as I'd hoped. And as for the big reveal as to what is happening to the astronauts, don't get me started, it's probably one of the worst threats I've seen in any film, ever. Score: 1.5/10

1) PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - Now here is a controversial decision, but that's not the reason it's my worst HHH film. I don't think I've ever been less scared by a film in my entire life. The hype surrounding this film was enough to generate 3 sequels, the most recent of which has just been released (or is being released very soon), all of which were just as pointless and dull as the first. I must admit that the film is well made. Watching the first one in high definition with 5.1 surround sound, I could appreciate that a lot of time and effort had gone into making the film as atmospheric as possible. But even with all that effort, the film was just a series of jump scares that could be seen coming a mile off. I couldn't believe that this film was considered one of the best horror films of the past 10 years, because quite frankly, it was truly terrible. Score: 1.0/10

And now we'll move on to the 5 films that have scared me senseless.

THE BEST HHH FILMS I'VE SEEN:

5) THE DINOSAUR PROJECT - Now this is a weird choice for the list. Not necessarily a major horror film, but an interesting and entertaining hand held film nonetheless. I've always been a big fan of anything related to dinosaurs, so this was a must-see for me, but I couldn't really prepare myself for what lay ahead. A noted explorer's latest mission is to find evidence of Congo's version of the Loch Ness Monster. When his crew and his son, stowed away on the plane, crash land in the middle of the jungle, they begin to search for help, but instead run into a hidden world where dinosaurs are still alive. They must now survive as they are ruthlessly hunted by the bloodthirsty prehistoric beasts. I will admit that this film is no Jurassic Park, but putting that aside, this is a fascinating, wholly entertaining and deeply thrilling adventure with some great scares, some neat camera work (which is always odd for a HHH to have) and a whole heap of wondrous special effects. I was blown away by this tense and exhilarating action flick, seek it out and enjoy! Score: 7.8/10

4) DIARY OF THE DEAD - Romero's 5th zombie flick sees the apocalypse starting again with a group of students caught in the hysteria. Armed with a couple of high tech camcorders, the group of terrified teens travel across America trying to find some sort of help from friends and family. Romero's entry into the HHH genre flipped a few things around with the tried and tested formula. The introduction of multiple cameras and surveillance footage is used to great effect to give multiple angles of the zombie action. Combined with Romero's usual social commentary, this time (surprisingly enough) about the YouTube generation, the film turns out to be a thought provoking and suspenseful thrill ride. I've always been a fan of Romero's "Dead" franchise, but this is definitely one of the most unique and intriguing films he's made. Score: 8.3/10

3) GRAVE ENCOUNTERS - This one came to me almost completely out of the blue, but the premise was good enough to warrant a viewing. Taking the concept of programs like Most Haunted, the film follows a group of "paranormal investigators" filming a show called Grave Encounters. In their 6th episode, they travel to an insane asylum, hoping to con the audience of their show into believing that the collection of buildings they're filming in is haunted. Unfortunately for them, the building is actually haunted by some weird and brutally scary ghosts. Now I had seen 1 trailer for this film before heading into the actual experience, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that 90% of the scares in this film were not shown in that trailer, meaning that a lot of this film was completely new and unexpected. The scares are fresh, tense and nerve shattering, the effects are creepy and the combined use of torches and night vision cameras means that you never know what to expect. It may have been helped by the tongue in cheek aspect of the premise, but this was a genuinely scary and very effective HHH film. Well worth the time. Score: 8.8/10

2) THE TUNNEL - Now this film was a complete blast! I had no idea this film existed until about a week before writing this article. This is a completely independent Australian horror, funded by public donations (I'm assuming, that's what was implied in the credits). Despite it's ultra low budget feel, this is one of the most horrifying and unsettling films I have seen in, oh I don't know, MY ENTIRE LIFE! The film follows a news team looking for a big story to solidify their status at the company. This leads them to a story concerning a homeless population in the disused railway tunnels underneath Sydney. As the team try to find the homeless population to make their story, they become aware of something far more sinister lurking in the darkness. Ok, plot summary is over, now on to my delusion rantings about how incredible this film is. Holy mother of god was this film scary!!!!! Apart from the top film on this list, I don't remember a film that has scared me so deeply I cannot even attempt to go to sleep after watching it. The tension is undeniable, the claustrophobic nature of the underground tunnels is even more intense than the caves of The Descent, and the creature....well, I can't even tell you how terrifying that monstrosity is! Out of all the movie monsters ever made, The Tunnel has one of the most heartless, ruthless and nerve shattering enemies of all time. You need to see this film, RIGHT NOW! Score: 9.0/10

1) [.REC] - The best film on the list could never have been anything else. When I first came up with the idea of this top 5, this film was always going to be number 1. I first saw this film about 5 years ago, maybe less, I can't remember. What I do remember however, is my family begging me to see this movie. I traveled down from uni to see this film and I do not regret it at all. The film follows a local news reporter, who is reporting on the activities of the city fire department during one of their night shifts. When the fire crew gets called to an emergency at an apartment block, they arrive promptly and quickly begin to assess the situation. But things are not as easy as they seem, for inside the apartment block, a deadly virus has been unleashed, the kind that turns normal people into bloodthirsty maniacs. Now the reporter and her fire crew escorts must find a way to survive the night, whilst the government puts the building under quarantine. There are no words to describe how amazingly horrifying this film is! But i'm going to try and put it into words here. The confined space in which the film takes place is expertly set up, so that you know where every character is at every moment in the film. Saying that, the acting is superb, each character is well defined and when they (inevitably) die, you do actually care. The scares are expertly crafted, sometimes building the tension and suspense to the point where you are screaming at the TV due to your nerves being shredded into microscopic fibers  but sometimes they just take you completely by surprise in the middle of seemingly safe conversations. This film never fails to surprise me, and I have seen it at least 5 times in as many years and it has never failed to terrify me to the core. If I was to compile a top 5 best horror films of all time (not just hand held), this would definitely make the list, and I would not be surprised if, after considering every other film I've seen, that this wouldn't make number 1 on the list. Controversial I know, but I do not know of a film that I have seen time and time again that has manged to scare me so much after so many repeated viewings. Alien comes extremely close, but [.REC] is the film that I will go to if I need a night of insomnia. I'm not sure if that's a good sign or not, but it makes an incredibly satisfying horror experience, and one that I will never forget for as long as I live! Score: 10/10

If you have read this far I applaud you, and I hope you will be tuning in during the rest of this week for reviews of some of the random films I am watching at the moment. If you have any suggestions as to what I need to write reviews on or do a Top 5 list of, then please leave them in the comments and I will do them, even if it's not in my best interests....

Thank you for reading this article everyone, I'll see you all very soon.

Fred out!

Welcome!

Hello there fellow internet people.

I have decided to start up my old movie review blog once again because I miss reviewing films for the web. True, no one used to read the posts (or very few people did at best) but I still enjoyed doing it and as someone who currently has little else to do other than watch films and write random stuff, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to start it up again.

The Movie Notebook used to be a weekly article where I'd post 3-4 films reviews online. These were usually the newest releases, but seeing as I don't have the money to get the newest releases out every week anymore, I thought I'd start changing the sort of posts I put on here.

The first proper article I post on this blog will be a Top 5. With the recent avalanche of movies I've been watching, I thought it would be cool to challenge myself and pick my favorite films of particular genres, or maybe my top 5 films with a particular actor/actress in them, or by a specific director. These will be appearing every fortnight.

Then there'll be the regular review articles, of which I will try and post at least 3 every week. Looking at this target, I already know I'm going to fail it at one point or another, but hey, that's just the way things go sometimes. Also, if anyone would like to suggest films for me to watch I would be happy to take some suggestions from you guys out there.

If there are any other sorts of articles you would like to see me do, then please leave suggestions in the comments! For now though, that's all I've got, so I will get to work on the first Top 5 article and the first review. Check back here on Sunday 18th November to find out what I consider to be the Top 5 Hand Held Horror Films I've seen.

Until next time internet!